And let us consider how we may spur one another on
toward love and good deeds.
Hebrews 10:24
I had several women ask if we had a support group (we didn’t at the time). After talking to God and the staff about this, I felt an inner nudge, “It’s time.” I began thinking about what format to use. I wanted to create a setting where broken and betrayed women could process their pain in a safe environment. One morning, I woke up and felt the Lord say, “Song of Solomon.” So I got up and began reading. I heard His heart. He was yearning to open the hearts and the eyes of his beloved daughters. He wanted them to see their worth and the high calling of an intimate relationship with Him. He wanted to give them the kind of love they were looking for.
The pieces started coming together. Invitations were sent to clients I felt would benefit from a group like this. We set a day and time to meet with our Beloved and receive from Him the gift of sisterly bonding. Ephesians 4:29 tells us,
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building others up
according to their needs.
Ephesians 4:29
Because of this biblical mandate, I was determined to steer the ladies away from husband-bashing and to focus on building each other up. out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” Because of this biblical mandate, I was determined to steer the ladies away from husband-bashing and to focus on building each other up.
These women had all endured painful trauma and betrayal. Their hearts had been shattered, their identities had been fractured, and they had pulled away from friends and family as shame called them into hiding. Some were even shunned by their churches.
So much pain.
The group was a place to share their devastation, the feeling of being stuck, and the feeling of being stripped of everything they thought was true. We acknowledged these heartbreaking realities and how the pain had changed them. But our primary focus was on learning how to find our way to wholeness.
The group became a sacred place where we could reiterate what is true and what is not. We began learning how to lean in and trust His truth over the barrage of feelings that had left us dazed. We watched a video clip of several Christian women describing their “father wound.” It became clear that many of them (and we in the group) had experienced trauma and formed wrong beliefs about ourselves long before we ever met our husbands (our marital trauma only added to that).
After watching these devastating stories, each woman in the group responded the same way:
“I’m glad to know I’m not the only one.”
Hope entered the room as they all realized what they had in common— they weren’t freaks after all! Everyone felt such compassion for the women in the video. And I witnessed a beautiful thing: they began expressing this same compassion for each other. They were so encouraged by this that they all resolved to support each other in the days ahead. One woman said,
“I now feel hope that we can experience healing and restoration
in all the broken places of our lives, too.”
Everyone agreed.
While venturing forward as a fellowship of women, the group has become a deep place of tenderness. They consistently express this tenderness to each other. They have also become more tender toward God, which has allowed Him to put his finger on lifelong wounds. When they were tiny girls, many of them never heard that they were precious and worthy of love. They didn’t feel seen and heard. That’s changing now.
This refreshing from the Lord is giving them strength they never thought possible. They are learning not to seek peace from the outside (from husband, children, career), but to find it within (as the Creator and Lover of their souls imparts it). Like the bride in the Song of Solomon, we are saying,
“I have found the one my soul loves.
I am my beloved’s, and He is mine.”
They are slowly being healed from the pain and broken relationships that have warped their thinking. They are learning to submit more and more to God’s powerful love, which is changing their hearts and how they interact with everyone around them. These five women (from five different cities) are being united to the Lord and to each other in a way that is shattering their victim status. Have they arrived yet? Far from it. This isn’t a one-and-done fix; it is a process with many fits and starts. But they are on their way.
The Lord has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
Psalm 118:23
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